Honestly I don't even know where to begin.... Tonight's chapter hit a little too close to home and needless to say it was tearful read. I can't really go any further without sharing a bit of my own testimony. When I was 14 my parents put me in a private school (that's a whole different blog), that was part of a baptist church. The youth pastor happened to also be a teacher at the school and invited me to a Wednesday night youth service. I went and ended up getting saved at a youth lock-in the beginning of my freshman year (2000). I quickly became a member of the church and started serving in the bus ministry immediately. I later went on to serve and lead the toddler ministry. I did that for 11 years until I realized I wasnt going to church anymore. Yes, I was AT the church three services a week, but for almost 11 solid years, I never went to more than a handful of services! I was more like an unpaid employee, and I began to dread Sundays knowing I'd be at the church, working, all day.
Now about tonight's chapter... As you know by now this book is about being follower vs being just a fan of Jesus. The chapter opens with this..."If you asked them [fans], 'Are you a fan or a follower?' they would confidently respond 'follower'. It's not a question of their effort or desire. They are following hard. Here is the problem; it's not Jesus they are following. Without realizing it they are aiming at the wrong target. Instead of following Jesus they are following religious rules and rituals. They have confused the targets." That's about when the first tears began to flow. It hit me like a ton of bricks. For 11 years (that's a long time) I was focusing on the wrong target!
The author, Kyle Idleman, goes onto say how most religious leaders nowadays are really good at following the rules (usually that they themselves make up) but aren't really concerned about following Jesus. He also says that most fans fit into one of two groups: rule followers, with intellectual knowledge, or actors who were born into Christianity and never fell in love with Jesus. This lead to a good chunk of the chapter being about hypocrites, people who wear several different masks but you never see the real person n the inside. "And this describes many fans that I know. You look really good. You have this part down. You know what to say, and what not to say. You can pray the prayers and you can sing the songs. But you never chose it. It was just handed down to you. Or you're going through the motions, putting on an impressive performance but it isn't real. Your heart is not in it."(p.72) And the tears kept on flowing! My pastor at eh time, would always say "fake it til you make it." I realize now how much faking I was doing. I was putting on quite the performance but my heart was not in it.
Kyle goes onto describe what religious fans look like, I've seen it with my own eyes! Then I started crying for those people, who are so caught up in the "look" of Christianity that they don't even realize it. "Fans who make sure people see them put in their offering at church, but they haven't considered reaching out to their neighbor who lost a job and can't pay the bills. Fans who like seeing other people fail because in their minds it makes them look better. Fans who are reading this and assuming I'm describing someone else. Fans who have worn the mask for so long they have fooled even themselves." (p. 73) He also explains what "Christ wants in a follower-someone who isn't pretending on the outside to have it all together."(p.74)
This quote however hit me the hardest, "[Matt. 23:27-28] would often describe the faith of a fan. On the inside their faith has grown cold and is dying, but they are determined to keep up appearances."(p.75) That was me for 11 years. My faith never had time to grow before it burnt out. The chapter goes on to further discuss the rule-loving religious leaders and how it applies today, but it is WAY past my bedtime so I will have to save that for another day. Sorry for my super long post tonight.... Lots on my mind.
